My friend Charlie gets a ton of ass. But she's the most unlucky-in-love person I know.
At her current rate, she's going to knock ten new pairs of boots this year alone. She regales us with stories of hard bodies and harder cocks which are indeed funny and titillating. But at the same time, after the shock and awe subsides, the inevitable question comes up. Because we just have to ask.
"So," we say, "where did you leave it with him?"
This is when her eyes drift and she loses focus. She doesn't know. They exchanged numbers. Yes, she would see him again. Sigh. Should she call him?
We don't know if she should.
What's sad about this is not her unbridled promiscuity. Sluts like me cast no stones. It's how Charlie always feels about it afterwards that is the sad part. They say those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Charlie has no memory whatsoever, and hasn't changed her strategy in the three years I've known her.
She says she wants a boyfriend who takes her on a picnic. She looks wistful and a bit sad when her friends with boyfriends drift off for the evening or a weekend of one on one love. She calls them when they are away. How are you doing? Are you having fun? Here's what/who I did last night. It would seem she wants what she cannot seem to secure. But here's what she recently told me about my casual suggestion that she try eharmony.com.
Charlie: How do you know people don't lie when the post their info?
Me: They lack a motive to lie. It's not like they are "shopping" for hotties. Your personality profile is 100 questions, cross-referenced. Eharmony pairs your answers up to people who have similar or compatible answers. THEN you get matches based on compatibility in your mailbox. And from those you can pick the one you that looks and sounds the most fuckable. So you see, you still get to pick the hot one, only you are picking from a list that has been pre-filtered to only those guys who are highly likely to provide decent pillow talk and repeat business...specifically for your personality and interests!
There is a pause. And then -
Charlie: No! Lame!? Why would I do that when the bars are just fine for meeting guys?
You know those times when you do something that is so obvious and true of heart, when your intentions are pure and the world as you see it is full of hope and promise, because you've done a good thing? And then someone comes and tells you the waiter who served you the delicious lemon cake peed on it first? This was one of those times.
What is there to say? Charlie is so not unlucky-in-love. She has zero desire to be in love. And if, God forbid, her strategy of drunk-dialing some guy she met at last call accidentally results in him caring for her in any way, she's going to piss in his lemon cake.
Whoever you are, fuck-buddy of the future...remember that's all you'll ever be. Charlie is in no place emotionally to love someone unconditionally. I care about my friend, but I'm sorry about what she did to you.
